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One of my (sport) teammates said to me, “Maybe you could try to dress more feminine…We don’t care if you’re gay, but we don’t want to get that kind of reputation.” I’m not a lesbian, but it still makes me mad!

Possible Responses

  • “It seems this is more about your discomfort than my clothes. I am okay with the way I look.”
  • “What kind of reputation are you concerned about?”
  • In a curious tone, take the conversation deeper. “How might that hurt the team?”
  • “Does this mean that the team wouldn’t support a lesbian member?
  • Appeal to shared values, “We say that together no one can break the team, but that seems like we’d let outsiders’ opinions have power over us.”